The new year means different things to different people. For some, it means a fresh start. A chance to do things differently this year. Or, perhaps build on previous successes. It sparks new motivation and new purpose. For some, it’s a time of reflection. To take inventory of your life and reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly of the previous year. It prompts gratitude and resolve not to make the same mistakes this year. Still others see the new year as just another year. They see little hope for change and little reason to expect anything different.

I can relate to all three sentiments above. Sharon and I are officially entering a new phase of our life. Empty-nesters. As I write this we are preparing to take our son, Eric to the airport. He is leaving to live and work in Auckland, New Zealand for at least a couple years. He received his Masters degree in Social Work this past spring, and is following God’s call to work with suicidal teens (New Zealand has the 2nd highest teen suicide rate in the world). This will be a fresh start for both of us—though more so for Eric. It’s caused both of us to reflect on the past and survey God’s goodness and provision, while anticipating the opportunities to come.

In the last few years we’ve seen our daughters get married to amazing men who not only love them dearly, but also love God. We’ve become grandparents twice over, and yes, being a grandparent is awesome! Our son finished schooling and is following his call to the other side of the world. Sharon started devoting more time mentoring younger moms and sharing her wisdom and experience. And we developed and held two, 6-session, Parenting Boot Camps to provide a foundation for young parents and parents-to-be.

It can be easy to drift through life—and marriage—without giving it much thought. Life can get busy. The demands of everyday life can overshadow the things that matter most—if we let them. Somehow, in the midst of all that change, our marriage relationship coasted at times. Recently, we became aware of how our differences—how we’re wired and how we look at life—have created an emotional “distance” between us. This “distance” resulted in us living somewhat parallel lives. We each functioned well in our own “worlds” but had little interest in each others “world”. We both acknowledged that we didn’t want that. We reaffirmed our love for each other and have committed to working towards developing greater interest and involvement in each other’s world. One of the things we are doing to reconnect is going back and revisiting Dr. John Gottman’s Principle 1 and Principle 2 of his 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. We do this periodically since we are always growing and changing. We need to be intentional about staying connected—and we are committed to doing so.

So I would encourage you to take this opportunity as a new year begins to reflect on your marriage relationship. What is good and what would you like to improve? Remember, improvement starts with you, not your spouse.