This past Sunday at our church, the speaker made a remark that he has learned more about Jesus’ love for him through his relationship with his wife than any other means. I immediately concurred with that statement. My wife is God’s gift to me to teach me about His love for me—and how I need to love others. Here are seven things my marriage has taught me. There are more than seven, but this is a blog post, not a book.

1. Grace

There have been numerous times that my wife Sharon has extended grace to me, and I to her. We need grace the most when we deserve it the least. That’s what makes extending grace so difficult, but that’s also what makes it so amazing. Jesus modeled grace everyday as he walked this earth. And through His example I have the opportunity to extend grace to my wife and kids on a regular basis. Giving and receiving grace has been a learned behavior—one that has been greatly facilitated by my marriage.

2. Forgiveness

Grace and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin. They compliment each other and encourage each other. When I’m shown grace by someone I offended or hurt, it makes me want to ask forgiveness. When someone asks forgiveness of me for a wrong that’s been done to me, I want to extend grace. Sharon and I have ample opportunities to forgive and ask forgiveness because God made us very different. We naturally do or say things that can be hurtful or abrasive. But by being intentional about talking things through and forgiving each other, we develop a greater intimacy and trust.

3. Love

I’m not talking about Hollywood love, I’m talking about the unconditional love of Jesus as explained in 1 Corinthians 13. The cool thing is when we learn to lay down our lives for each other and love sacrificially, we get the Hollywood love thrown in too. Because when our spouse experiences our sacrificial love and knows that their interests come first, their natural response is to give love back. Sharon’s sacrificial love for me has helped me understand better God’s love for me—and He loves me way more than Sharon ever could. I have to admit, that’s hard to grasp sometimes.

4. Humility

I know there are those of you who have known me for awhile who are thinking, “is he saying he has learned humility?” Yeah, I know I’m not known for that, but I have learned humility over the years, and much of that is due to my relationship with my wife. When I think I know something…I know it! Well, not always. There have been some painful experiences that could have been avoided if I had taken the counsel of my wife more seriously. I have since decided that any major decisions should not be made unless we are in complete agreement. I’ve had to learn this the hard way—by experience.

5. Thankfulness

I thank God most everyday for my wife. She is a treasure and God’s excellent gift to me. There are so many things that I’m thankful for, but most are just the little things she says or does that are a blessing to me. As I said earlier, we are very different people which can cause friction at times. But it is also a blessing because as we value what each brings to the relationship, we form a more complete picture. We compliment each other very well. Sharon is thoughtful, kind, empathetic, merciful, gracious, diligent, hospitable, and loves entertaining. These are not my strengths. I’m so thankful—and so are others—that Sharon is my wife.

6. Commitment

There are times in any close relationship, but especially in a marriage, when you would like to just give up and bale out. The more intimate you are with someone, the more pain they can cause you. It’s just a principle of relationships. If you don’t care what someone thinks, then what they say or do will have little effect on you. Because my love for Sharon is so strong, I have also been deeply hurt by her, and I know I have also hurt her deeply. Having a deep commitment that says “we have no option. No plan B” helps us to work things out and ask forgiveness. Our relationship is for a lifetime. Why wouldn’t we want to make it the best possible relationship we can have?

7. Hope

Finally, my relationship with my wife gives me hope. Because I’m not the same person I was when I married her. And neither is she. We have been instruments of change used by God to mold us into His image. Who I am today is not who I will be 5 years from now. Not if I continue to pursue God and love sacrificially. I have hope that I will day-by-day be transformed into the image of Christ and learn more and more to love like Jesus did. And I have hope that my relationship will grow deeper and more intimate—not only with God—but with my wife also.