We took a month off for Summer break and enjoyed a bit of what Colorado has to offer. This month, we’re starting a new topic that I’m sure many married couples can relate to—how to maintain a healthy, growing marriage relationship in the midst of raising a family. We will spend the next few posts on this topic. It was a challenge for Sharon and me during the child-raising years and we learned a lot from our experiences—both good and bad. We hope you find the posts helpful.

If you’re newly married or married in the last 5 years, you’re probably not thinking much about legacy. And why would you? You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re probably thinking more about the family you just started—or plan to start—and a bit overwhelmed with all the changes that come with adding a child to your marriage relationship.

That’s exactly why you should be considering legacy—the legacy of love you leave your children, and your children’s children.

A healthy marriage is foundational to healthy families and healthy communities.

Researchers have known for decades that healthy families start with healthy relationships between husband and wife. When we love each other well, we help each other parent well. Building better relationships between husbands and wives is not just good for the couple, they are good for society as well. Better love relationships mean better families. And better, more loving families mean better, more responsive communities. Loving families are the bedrock of a humane society, and it all starts with building loving, healthy marriages.

Your marriage relationship will have a positive and/or negative impact on your children.

As parents, we are by far the most influential people in our kids lives—for good and bad. How we daily love our spouse will model to our kids what a love relationship looks like. When we are stressed-out and constantly fighting with our spouse, it spills over into our relationships with our children. If we are struggling in an unhappy marriage relationship, we may find it harder to be emotionally available and really tuned in to our kids. And your kids will pick up on that.

“The health of your marriage relationship will impact all your other relationships.”

A spouse’s emotional distancing from the other also frequently leads to distancing from their kids. This can be especially true of fathers. Studies have shown that when men withdraw from their wives, they also often become unavailable to their children. Your kids probably won’t know what’s behind your marital struggles, but they will feel the effects—and may take the blame themselves. Loving your spouse well is so important for the well-being of your children.

Your marriage can create a legacy of love for future generations.

We know that modeling is the most effective form of training a child. Your kids will pay more attention to what they see from you than what they hear from you. When we model a loving, emotionally connected relationship with our spouse, our kids learn, by example, positive ways to relate to others as well.

It will be easier for our kids to love their future spouses well because they saw what that looked like their entire childhood from mom and dad. They saw your love, and experienced your love. We’ve probably all heard that one of the best things you can do for your child is to create a loving relationship with your spouse. That’s not just some sentimental saying to put on a plaque—it’s actually scientific fact.

So, whether we model a loving, connected marriage, or a selfish, disconnected marriage, there’s a lot at stake!

Make a commitment to model sacrificial, Christ-like love in your marriage and create a legacy for your kids to follow for generations to come.