By Sharon Peterson

As women, we generally like to have a sense of control in our lives.  The word “control”, for many,  carries with it a negative connotation. But some forms of control are good, like self-control.  Everyone benefits from exercising self-control.  Also, if you are a mom (or dad) of small children you need to exercise a certain amount of control over their lives.  As they grow, you start releasing some of that control so they will learn responsibility and be able to make good choices on their own as adults.  If you are like me, you find it difficult to release control and find yourself still trying to control your children who are now adults. Unfortunately, this can alienate your children from you.  The same is true for our husbands. If we try to control them, they will feel like a little child and not the husbands and men God made them to be.  I was doing that with my family.  It was causing problems with my relationships with my children and my husband.  After several talks with my husband Russ, I began realizing how wrong and damaging my behavior was.  I am in the process, with God’s help, of correcting my actions.  Here are some of the things I’m doing to lose control:

    1. When I’ve asked my husband to do something, I don’t repeat my request. I give up my right to take control and make sure he is going to do it.  Instead, I may write him a note with my request and trust he will do it when he can.  This takes the control from me and puts it in his hands.

/

  1. I don’t demand to have something done in my time frame unless it is urgent.
  2. When it comes to driving, I assume he knows where he is going so I’m not constantly telling him where to go and how to drive. (I’ve realized that he actually gets places just fine when I’m not in the car telling him where to go.)
  3. I am learning to be sensitive about giving unsolicited advice.  My husband and my children may do things differently from me—and that is okay.

It is becoming very freeing for me to let go of trying to control people and circumstances in my life.  I’ve realized that God is ultimately in control and when we learn to give up unhealthy ways of control, our relationship with Him gets better as well as our relationships with our children, our husbands and others.  Our marriages can be revived and unconditional love will flow once again!  So go ahead and lose control!