Last month we began exploring why God seems to connect men and women who are very different from each other and bring them together in marriage. I suggested that God has a purpose in this (and it’s not just for His amusement). We acknowledged that opposites do attract, which contributes to 50% of all divorces occurring in the first 7 years of marriage, while those who remain committed to their marriage and work to improve it achieve increased marital satisfaction as time goes on. We also saw that part of God’s plan is for husbands to unconditionally love their wives and wives to unconditionally respect their husbands (Eph. 5:22-28).

Shouldn’t this be easier?

So why does marriage seem so difficult at times? The short answer is selfishness. All people have a natural tendency towards doing what they want to do and pleasing themselves. If that were not the case there would be no reason for scriptures like “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus…” (Philippians 2:3-5a).

Let’s get real here. We know we are supposed to be led by the Holy Spirit and walk according to God’s will. Unfortunately, many times when we are alone we eat what we want, watch what we want, listen to what we want, spend what we want, go where we want—in short, we do what we want. Now that we’re married—often to someone very different from us—we now have to consider their interests as well as our own. In fact, it gets worse. We are suppose to consider them more important than ourselves and love them sacrificially. What’s up with that? It all seems kind of punitive when you look at it from your human self-centered perspective.

The truth is God has a much higher purpose to marriage than your pleasure and satisfaction. And the beauty of it is, when we align ourselves with His will and embrace God’s purpose for our marriage, we also get great pleasure and satisfaction from it. Yeah, I know. That’s why He is God.

God is looking to display His glory to the whole world. One of the ways he has purposed to do that is through marriage. Marriage is intended to reflect the love relationship He has with His Church. The character and attributes God displays toward His Church should be evident in our marriage. Unconditional love and respect, unity, grace, sacrifice, humility, patience, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, long-suffering—these should be evident in our marriage just as they are in Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church.

Sharon and I are very different in many ways. Yet, when we embrace God’s plan of sacrificial love for each other, those differences work to our advantage. As we value what each brings to the relationship—instead of resent it—we present a more complete representation of Christ and His character than we could ever do on our own. We can demonstrate unity, grace, sacrifice, forgiveness—and a host of other Christ-like qualities—even more completely as husband and wife than we could ever do living separate lives. God declared that “The two shall become one”.

God has a purpose for your marriage that is much greater than your happiness. The good news is that when we pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus, forfeit our self-centered lifestyles, and love our spouse sacrificially, we will experience the true joy and happiness God always intended for marriage.

If you are brave, examine your marriage relationship as it relates to Philippians 2:3-4. Ask yourselves these questions. What areas of my life am I living independent of God and my spouse? How can my marriage more fully demonstrate to the world the love, grace, and forgiveness of Christ? What one thing can I change in my marriage that will demonstrate the sacrificial love of Jesus to my spouse?