Last month we talked about developing and maintaining healthy communication as you parent your kids. The skills you learn to communicate in respectful, honoring ways will come in handy when you need to resolve your conflicts. Healthy communication and conflict resolution are really two sides of the same coin. They work together to create a marriage of love, trust, [...]
"I just didn't think it would be like this, " Mary said. She looked completely exhausted and defeated. Sam just looked angry. He didn't want to be with me talking about his marriage to Mary. In fact, if the truth be told, he didn't want to be married to Mary. He'd had i! "Fifteen years—fifteen years!—and this is what [...]
This month we continue looking at Commitment 5: We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace. OK, you've acknowledged that you and your spouse are different. The problem you really need help with is not so much that you are different, but how your sinful choices when dealing with your differences deepen your trouble rather than solving it. [...]
This month we begin looking at Commitment 3: We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust. What is this thing called trust that is so essential to any good, sturdy, and healthy relationship? We are going to examine what trust is, what it looks like in a relationship, and—through some questions—reflect on our own relationship to see [...]
This month we finish our examination of Commitment 2: We will make growth and change our daily agenda. Last time, we examined our marriages, searching for those little thoughts, attitudes, and actions that you must say no to. We will now consider the things we must say yes to, and in so doing give them room to shape our marriage. [...]
This month we begin to look at Commitment 2: We will make growth and change our daily agenda. Marriage really is just a long-term exercise in gardening. If you’ve done any gardening you know there simply aren’t any shortcuts. Gardens begin with hard work. Clearing and tilling the land isn’t fun, but it’s essential. Digging holes for the seeds isn’t [...]
This month we continue to look at Commitment 1: We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness. Last month we talked about confession. This month we will focus on forgiveness. There is perhaps no other ingredient as essential to a healthy marriage than forgiveness. Yet forgiveness is not always attractive. Forgiveness is difficult and costly. It [...]
As marriage mentors, Sharon and I have witnessed couples that had some pretty toxic patterns of communication. Their discussions were dominated by insults, accusations, put-downs, sarcasm, and contempt for each other. In fact, we would have to encourage them to find good things to say to each other. While that may be an extreme example, most of us—including Sharon and [...]
Good. Bad. Indifferent. Loving. Critical. Close. Distant. What comes to mind when you hear the word spouse? Think about it: every year on birthdays, anniversaries, and special holidays, we find ourselves sending out cards with cookie cut lyrics and rhythmic poetry to communicate to our spouses what that word means to us. Only one thing will be required of us [...]
Recently, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences held its annual awards ceremony, The Academy Awards, to honor achievements in the movie industry. Invariably, the performances that are most respected and awarded are dramatic roles—the more dramatic, the better. This year was no exception. While drama may be rewarded in the movie industry, it doesn't yield the same results [...]
