By Jim Burns, Ph.D.

It’s no secret that we live in a sex-saturated society. The real challenge for us as believers is to learn to resist sexual temptations because when we don’t, the damage done to our most treasured relationships can seem irreparable.

As never before, marriages are being attacked by more and more sexual temptations, especially with the increase of pornography on cable TV and the internet. And for every husband and wife who struggles with these challenges, there’s another spouse who’s watching the foundation of their life together crumble under the weight of that sexual sin.

Now, there’s no “quick fix” for mending a marriage that’s been hammered by one spouse’s infidelity. But there are steps you can take to stop the onslaught and begin reversing the damage that was brought on by giving in to sexual temptation.

1. Admit that there’s a problem. This might seem like a given, but the reality is that no couple can start repairing the damage until they acknowledge that there is a problem. Fred and Brenda Stoeker (authors of the book, Every Heart Restored) stress the need for openness from both spouses to bring the problem into the light. Only once it’s been identified can the real healing begin.

2. Ask for forgiveness — and be sure to give it as well! The spouse who’s been watching pornographic material on television, or looking at “adult” magazines or websites already has a heavy load of guilt and shame to bear. Asking for forgiveness is a difficult yet necessary step. It’s normal for a spouse to feel hurt, embarrassed and rejected enough to not want to forgive. But, forgiveness must be given to be received, so let the forgiveness happen so the healing process won’t be hindered.

3. Take the necessary steps to reconnect as a couple. It’s important to look at this situation as one that’s affected both of you. The connection you once enjoyed as husband and wife has now been damaged (but hopefully not destroyed!). Ask God to begin the reconnection process. Seek out others whom God can use as instruments to help make you whole again as a couple. You’re certainly not the first couple to go through something like this, and you won’t be the last. So trust the Lord, and find counsel, comfort and connection in the company of a few trusted friends.

4. Stay rooted in God’s Word. Remember, God created sex for the mutual enjoyment of both husbands and wives. It’s not a bad thing in and of itself. The problem stems from the way sexual expression has been perverted in modern culture. Bathe yourself in the Word of God both individually and as a couple. And stay connected through praying together also. See the positive impact it’ll have on every aspect of your marriage, especially physical intimacy.

5. Seek professional help. In Scripture, Jesus reminds us that anyone who even looks at a member of the opposite sex with a lustful eye commits adultery in his own heart. Still, there’s a big difference between a casual, passing glance at an attractive member of the opposite sex and the recurring use of hardcore pornography. Scientific research has shown that there’s a chemical reaction that takes place in our brain when we look at something that is sexually satisfying. That image is literally seared into our memory – and it will never be erased. Guys, if you’ve struggled with reading pornographic magazines, watching “adult” movies or visiting websites that cater to the use and distribution of pornography, you’ll need help from a qualified Christian counselor to learn how to “retrain your brain.” It’s going to take time, effort and the support of your spouse, but it’s worth the effort!

Keep in mind that following those steps will not make your life perfect, but they can make it easier for you and your spouse to grow closer again and to enjoy the life “as one” that God has intended for you to have!

(For more reading on the subject of restoring a marriage damaged by lust, pornography and sexual temptation, read Fred and Brenda Stoeker’s book, Every Heart Restored).

Printed by permission of HomeWord. For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com or call 800-397-9725.